Who Am I “Really”?

By Dianne Sackrider

It was a normal church staff meeting that Tuesday morning….or at least that was my thought process heading into it.  It didn’t take long to discover this meeting was like no other staff meeting I had ever attended.  You see, my pastor of 14 years had made a decision to “release” his entire staff. 

As you can imagine, my world had just been turned upside down.  I couldn’t process what had happened and definitely couldn’t see God’s hand in it.  My heart was broken, not only for myself, but for all those on staff who I loved and had lived life with for so many years. 

Over the next two years I went through what I would call an identity crisis.  I cried buckets of tears.  I mourned over what had been lost.  Relationships were broken and I felt completely betrayed.  Ministry was my passion and my life was about serving God….so how did I end up without a church home, without a job, and without a place to serve? Without all of that, who was I? I can honestly tell you that I had no idea! 

As I began to soul search and allow God to heal my brokenness, I came to a startling revelation.  Due to my own insecurities and wanting to please everyone, I had become a chameleon.  I adapted to whatever expectations were placed on me.  My behavior, my preferences, everything about me had been shaped and molded from other people’s expectations!  Once that revelation hit me, I began the journey of finding the real me. 

I started by praying and asking God to reveal to me who He sees when he looks at me.  I searched the word of God and found scriptures telling me that I am His masterpiece (Eph. 2:10) and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I meditated on His word and saturated my soul with God’s love for me.   My husband and I found a new church home to get plugged in to and began making new friends.  We have come full circle and are now serving again in church.  God is truly the great healer and restorer of our souls. 

I am more aware now than ever, that women suffer greatly from insecurities.  We live in a world that puts higher demands on women every day to be wife, supermom and successful career woman all at the same time.  Thank God He has set us free to see ourselves through the eyes of our Father and not through the eyes of this world.  If you struggle with your identity, maybe it’s time for your own journey.