So a weird thing happened. I have allowed a little thing called bitterness to seep in and take up residence in my heart. In all honesty, I didn't even realize it was happening. Then all the sudden, I found myself on the phone with my best friend...
All these words were coming out. I couldn't believe what I was saying. It didn't sound like me. It sounded like a totally bitter person. What were those words coming from my mouth?
I should have seen it coming. I have been getting so agitated about certain things that I started avoiding people. Everything they did bothered me, even when it had nothing to do with their my issue.
Wowsers. How did I allow this to happen?
It especially worries me when the bible throws bitterness in with anger, rage and slander (Ephesians 4:31). None of these are things I want in my life.
Here's the ironic part. None of this bitterness comes from things these people have done to me. In fact, it stems from me feeling like they have wronged some of my nearest and dearest. Now I know God is all for us bearing each other's burdens, but I am thinking this isn't what he had in mind.
I am pretty sure I would get some funny looks if I went up to the people who I have developed bitterness for and asked for forgiveness. Not only would I get some funny looks, but I also think I would be hurting some feelings and crossing some confidence boundaries. Instead, I need to go to my nearest and dearest and ask for their forgiveness for this bitterness. And not just their forgiveness, but also ask that they keep me in check about this.
Sounds easy enough, right? After all, I am just needing to talk to some of my besties. Still, it doesn't make it easy. Eating humble pie is never easy. But you know what, it is better than this stuff that has invaded my heart and mind lately.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit in me." Psalm 51:10
Jessica,
ReplyDeleteactually ... not weird at all! I just found myself there! Filled with bitterness I didn't know I had, well really, I just relabeled it "righteous indignation" (yeah right!). But, all along it was just a seed of bitterness that caused me to be alot less than I am! Finding it out in a most humbling way embarrassed me, and I was ashamed of myself. Bitterness is a funny thing, it comes disguised and wrapped up as all sort of other self-righteous things! I'm so glad we have both exposed that darkness to the light of Christ. Glad to be rid of that monster!